Clever Puns

  • Lightning sometimes shocks people… because, it just doesn’t know how to conduct itself
  • A prisoner’s favorite punctuation mark is the period… it marks the end of his sentence
  • A rule of grammar… double negatives are a no-no
  • Sleeping comes so naturally to me… I could do it with my eyes closed 
  •  Atheists don’t solve exponential equations… because they don’t believe in higher powers. 
  • It’s raining cats and dogs… well, as long as it doesn’t reindeer
  •  I relish the fact that you’ve mustard the strength to ketchup to me…
  •  My new theory on  inertia doesn’t seem to be gaining momentum
  • The man who survived mustard gas and pepper spray is now a seasoned veteran
  • What did the grape say when it got stepped on… nothing, but it let out a little whine
  •  If you don’t pay your exorcist… do you get repossessed
  • Pencils could be made with erasers at both ends… but, what would be the point
  • I was arrested after my therapist suggested I take something for my kleptomania
  • A hungry traveller stops at a monastery and is taken to the kitchens…. a brother is frying chips. “Are you the friar?” he asks. “No. I’m the chip monk” he replies…
  • Yesterday I accidentally swallowed some food coloring… the doctor says I’m OK, but I feel like I’ve dyed a little inside…
  • What’s the definition of a will… it’s a dead giveaway
  • Two peanuts were walking in a tough neighborhood and one of them was a-salted

– via Sanjeev C. 

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