- Lightning sometimes shocks people… because, it just doesn’t know how to conduct itself
- A prisoner’s favorite punctuation mark is the period… it marks the end of his sentence
- A rule of grammar… double negatives are a no-no
- Sleeping comes so naturally to me… I could do it with my eyes closed
- Atheists don’t solve exponential equations… because they don’t believe in higher powers.
- It’s raining cats and dogs… well, as long as it doesn’t reindeer
- I relish the fact that you’ve mustard the strength to ketchup to me…
- My new theory on inertia doesn’t seem to be gaining momentum
- The man who survived mustard gas and pepper spray is now a seasoned veteran
- What did the grape say when it got stepped on… nothing, but it let out a little whine
- If you don’t pay your exorcist… do you get repossessed
- Pencils could be made with erasers at both ends… but, what would be the point
- I was arrested after my therapist suggested I take something for my kleptomania.
- A hungry traveller stops at a monastery and is taken to the kitchens…. a brother is frying chips. “Are you the friar?” he asks. “No. I’m the chip monk” he replies…
- Yesterday I accidentally swallowed some food coloring… the doctor says I’m OK, but I feel like I’ve dyed a little inside…
- What’s the definition of a will… it’s a dead giveaway
- Two peanuts were walking in a tough neighborhood and one of them was a-salted
– via Sanjeev C.