Smile please 😄

I changed my iPod’s name to Titanic. It’s syncing now.

England has no kidney bank, but it does have a Liverpool.

A dentist and a manicurist married. They fought tooth and nail.

With her marriage, she got a new name and a dress.

Did you hear about the fellow whose entire left side was cut off?
He’s all right now.

A bicycle can’t stand alone; it’s just two tired.

When she saw her first strands of grey hair she thought she’d dye.

I didn’t like my beard at first.
Then it grew on me.

Did you hear about the crossed-eyed teacher who lost her job because she couldn’t control her pupils?

When you get a bladder infection, urine (u r in) trouble.

Dad, are we pyromaniacs?
Yes, we arson.

Why is ‘dark’ spelt with a k and not c?
Because you can’t ‘c’ in the dark.

Why is it unwise to share your secrets with a clock?
Well, because time will tell.

Prison is just one word to you, but for some people, it’s a whole sentence.

I’m trying to organize a hide-n-seek tournament, but good players are really hard to find.

I’ve started telling everyone about the benefits of eating dried grapes.
It’s all about raisin awareness!!

Via Jasmine C.

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