Wife was driving…..

Husband – “Why dont you use indicators when you take a turn?”

Wife – “What do you mean use indicators…why should I?”
Husband- “So that other drivers know which way you will turn.”
Wife- “Where I am going is nobody’s business…!!!”
Husband – “Sorry…..”
via Saif K. 

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Anti-Global Warming Arguments

via anti-global warming arguments — Wrong Hands

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11 Short Horror stories at their best. Wrapped up in just 2 sentences or less….

1. Husband kills his wife while their 5 yr old son was still sleeping.
The weird thing was that kid didn’t ask 4 his mom even 3 days after she went missing.

Father:” Is there something that you want to ask me ? ”

Kid : “I just wonder, why mom is always standing BEHIND YOU . .


2. I woke up to hear knocking on glass. At first, I thought it was the window until I heard it come from the mirror again.


3. The last thing I saw was my alarm clock flashing 12:07 before she pushed her long rotting nails through my chest, her other hand muffling my screams. I sat bolt upright, relieved it was only a dream, but as I saw my alarm clock read 12:06, I heard my closet door creak open.


4. In all of the time that I’ve lived alone in this house, I swear to God I’ve closed more doors than I’ve opened.


5. A girl heard her mom yell her name from downstairs, so she got up & started to head down. As she got to the stairs, her mom pulled her into her room & said “I heard that, too.”


6. My wife woke me up last night to tell me there was an intruder in our house. She was murdered by an intruder 2 years ago.


7. I always thought my cat had a staring problem. she always seemed fixated on my face. Until one day, when I realized that she was always looking just behind me.


8. There’s nothing like the laughter of a baby. Unless it’s 1 a.m. & you’re home alone.


9. I begin tucking him into bed & he tells me, “Daddy, check for monsters under my bed.”

I look underneath for his amusement & see him.. another him, under the bed, staring back at me quivering and whispering, “Daddy, there’s somebody on my bed.”


10. You get home, tired after a long day’s work & ready for a relaxing night alone. You reach for the light switch, but another hand is already there.


11. There was a picture in my phone of me sleeping. I live alone.



Via Priya F. 

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This film has got only two scenes of nudity – So what’s wrong?

Last week, I walked into my office to find a sandwich bag on my desk containing three chewy, tasty, homemade chocolate brownies. Some thoughtful and anonymous person who knew my love for tasty homemade brownies had placed them there, along with a hand written short story. I immediately sat down and began eating the first chewy, tasty, homemade brownie as I read the following story:

Two teenagers asked their father if they could go the theatre to watch a movie that all their friends had seen. After reading some reviews about the movie on the Internet, he denied their request.
“Aw dad, why not?” they complained. It is rated PG-13, and we’re both older than thirteen!”
Dad replied: “Because that movie contains nudity and portrays immorality as being normal and acceptable behavior.”
“But dad, those are just very small parts of the movie! That’s what our friends who’ve seen it have told us. The movie is two hours long and those scenes are just a few minutes of the total film! It’s based on a true story and good triumphs over evil, and there are other redeeming themes like courage and self-sacrifice. Even the movie review websites say that!”
“My answer is no, and that is my final answer. You are welcome to stay home tonight, invite some of your friends over, and watch one of the good videos we have in our home collection. But you will not go and watch that film. End of discussion.”
The two teenagers walked dejectedly into the family room and slumped down on the couch. As they sulked, they were surprised to hear the sounds of their father preparing something in the kitchen. They soon recognized the wonderful aroma of brownies baking in the oven, and one of the teenagers said to the other, “Dad must be feeling guilty, and now he’s going to try to make it up to us with some fresh brownies. Maybe we can soften him with lots of praise when he brings them out to us and persuade him to let us go to that movie after all.”
About that time I began eating the second brownie from the sandwich bag and wondered if there was some connection to the brownies I was eating and the brownies in the story. I kept reading…
The teens were not disappointed. Soon their father appeared with a plate of warm brownies, which he offered to his kids. They each took one. Then their father said, “Before you eat, I want to tell you something: I love you both so much.” The teenagers smiled at each other with knowing glances. Dad was softening. “That is why I’ve made these brownies with the very best ingredients. I’ve made them from scratch. Most of the ingredients are even organic. The best organic flour. The best

free-range eggs. The best organic sugar. Premium vanilla and chocolate.”
The brownies looked mouth-watering, and the teens began to become a little impatient with their dad’s long speech.
“But I want to be perfectly honest with you. There is one ingredient I added that is not usually found in brownies. I got that ingredient from our own back yard. But you needn’t worry, because I only added the tiniest bit of that ingredient to your brownies. The amount of the portion is practically insignificant. So go ahead, take a bite and let me know what you think.”
“Dad, would you mind telling us what that mystery ingredient is before we eat?” “Why? The portion I added was so small. Just a teaspoonful. You won’t even taste it.”
“Come on, dad just tell us what that ingredient is.”
“Don’t worry! It is organic, just like the other ingredients.”

“Well, OK, if you insist. That secret ingredient is fresh organic..dog poop.”
I immediately stopped chewing that second brownie and I spit it out into the wastebasket by my desk. I continued reading, now fearful of the paragraphs that still remained. Both teens instantly dropped their brownies back on the plate and began inspecting their fingers with horror.
“DAD! Why did you do that? You’ve tortured us by making us smell those brownies cooking for the last half hour, and now you tell us that you added dog poop! We can’t eat these brownies!”

“Why not? The amount of dog poop is very small compared to the rest of the ingredients. It won’t hurt you. It’s been cooked right along with the other ingredients. You won’t even taste it. It has the same consistency as the brownies. Go ahead and eat.
“No, Dad…NEVER!”
“And that is the same reason I won’t allow you to go watch that movie. You won’t tolerate a little dog poop in your brownies, so why should you tolerate a little immorality in your movies? We pray that God will not lead us unto temptation, so how can we in good conscience entertain ourselves with something that will imprint a sinful image in our minds that will lead us into temptation long after we first see it?”
I discarded what remained of the second brownie as well as the entire untouched third brownie. What had been irresistible a minute go had become detestable. And only because of the very slim chance that what I was eating was slightly polluted. (Surely it wasn’t…but I couldn’t convince myself.)
What a good lesson about purity! Why do we tolerate any sin? On the day of the Passover, the Israelites were commanded to remove every bit of leaven from their homes. Sin is like leaven – a little bit leavens the whole lump

(1Corinthians 5:6,7), faith and sin, don’t mix.

Author Unknown

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Retract Resignation 🤣

An employee goes running to HR and asked his resignation back.HR(surprised): Today is your last day and what happened suddenly?

Employee: My manager is also joining the same place where I am going.
– via Anisha M

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We grew up

Somewhere between “Crying loudly to seek attention” and “Crying silently to avoid attention”, 

we grew up!!
Somewhere between 

“ 7 pani puris for 1 rupee” and 

“1 pani puri for 7 rupees”, 

we grew up!!
Somewhere between 

“Ground mai aaja” and 

“Online aaja”, 

we grew up!!
Somewhere between 

“Craving for pizza” and 

“Craving for home food”, 

we grew up!
Somewhere between 

“Believing in happy endings” and “Accepting the reality”, 

we grew up!!
Somewhere between 

“stealing eclairs of your sis” and “Bringing Silk for her”, 

we grew up!!
Somewhere between 

“Just five more mins Mom” and “Pressing the snooze button”, 

we grew up!!
Somewhere between 

“Broken Pencils” and 

“Broken Hearts”, 

we grew up!!
Somewhere between 

“Crying out loud just to get what we want” and 

“Holding our tears when we are broken inside”, 

we grew up!!
Somewhere between 

“We are Best Friends Forever” and “Knowing that nothing truly lasts”, 

we grew up!!
Somewhere between 

“I want to grow up” and 

“I want to be a child again”, 

we grew up!!
Somewhere between 

“Lets meet and plan” and 

“Lets plan and meet”, 

we grew up!!
Somewhere between 

“Eagerly waiting” and 

“Forever waiting”, 

we grew up!!
Somewhere between 

“Parents fulfilling our wish” and 

“We Fulfilling our parent’s dream”, 

we grew up!!
Somewhere between 

“Waking up at 6 am” and 

“Sleeping at 6 am”, 

we grew up!!
And as we grew up, we realized how, silently but surely ,our lives have changed…!! 
– via Sanjeev C. 

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Height of gujjuism

 Meanwhile in Gujarat – whatsapp emojis crossing the limits!!!!
Girl : wats ur name
 Boy : 🔫🔫🔫🔫🔫🔫
Girl : ??
Boy :Chhagan
Girl: oh, so cute!
Boy : wats ur name?
Girl : 🚰🚰🚰🚰🚰🚰🚰🚰🚰🚰🚰🚰🚰🚰🚰🚰🚰🚰🚰🚰🚰🚰🚰🚰🚰🚰🚰🚰🚰🚰🚰🚰🚰🚰🚰🚰🚰🚰🚰🚰🚰🚰🚰🚰🚰🚰🚰🚰🚰🚰🚰🚰🚰🚰🚰🚰🚰🚰🚰🚰🚰🚰🚰🚰🚰🚰🚰🚰🚰🚰🚰🚰🚰🚰🚰🚰🚰🚰🚰🚰🚰🚰🚰🚰🚰🚰🚰🚰🚰🚰🚰🚰🚰🚰🚰🚰🚰🚰🚰🚰
Boy : 😳whts this
Girl : Arrey it’s Sonal !!!
Via Saif K

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Indian Lexophile

1. “Mujhe ek ghante se auto nahi mili, shayad bhagwaan meri paRICKSHAW le raha hai”😝
2. “My body is in office, but my mind is SOMVAR else” #Monday Blues😂
3. “I am feeling too lazy to meet my friends. AALSI them later”😂
4. “Son: Rum Piyoge? 

Dad: Oye puttar ‘Bacar’di gal na kar”😂
5. “If you eat fiery garlic pickle before class, you’ll learn a valuable Lehsun”😂
6. Weight loss frustration… “Pran jaaye par wajan naa jaye”😂
7. Saw a line of Hyundai Sonatas parked on an empty road. Asked someone there “itna sonata kyu hai bhai”😂
8. A daughter is the perfect child. A son is just a Beta version 😂
9. When in Chennai, many North Indians wonder..”Ye kaahan aa gaye hum, yoo hee south south chalte”😂😂
10. She is Libra I am Leo humari Jodi kuch gemini
11. Decided to go to a Italian restaurant kyunki woh ghar ke PASTA😏

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A Man and his Ostrich 

A man walks into a restaurant with a full-grown ostrich bird behind him. 

The waitress asks them for their orders. 
The man says, ‘A hamburger, fries and a coke,’ and turns to the ostrich, ‘What’s yours?’ 
‘I’ll have the same,’ says the ostrich. 
A short time later the waitress returns with the order ‘That will be $9.40 please,’ and the man reaches into his pocket and pulls out the exact change for payment. 
The next day, the man and the ostrich come again and the man says, ‘A hamburger, fries and a coke’ 
The ostrich says, ‘I’ll have the same’ 
Again the man reaches into his pocket and pays with exact change. 
This becomes routine until the two enter again. 
‘The usual?’ asks the waitress. 
‘No, this is Friday night, so I will have a steak, baked potato and a salad,’ says the man. 

‘Same,’ says the ostrich. 
Shortly the waitress brings the order and says, ‘That will be $32.62.’ 
Once again the man pulls the exact change out of his pocket and places it on the table. 
The waitress cannot hold back her curiosity any longer.


“Excuse me, sir. How do you manage to always come up with the exact change in your pocket every time?” 
Says the man, “Well, several years ago I was cleaning the attic and found an old lamp. When I rubbed it, a Genie appeared and offered me two wishes. 
The first wish I asked was that if I ever had to pay for anything, I would just put my hand in my pocket and the right amount of money would always be there.”
The waitress said “That’s brilliant! Most people would ask for a million dollars or something, but you’ll always be as rich as you want for as long as you live. How smart of you!”
“That’s right. Whether it’s a gallon of milk or a Rolls Royce, the exact amount of money is always there” says the man proudly.
The waitress asks, “But, what’s that ostrich all about?”
The man sighs, pauses and answers with a heavy heart, “My second wish was for a tall chick with long legs who accompanies me wherever I go and agrees with everything I say”.
MORAL OF THE STORY: Men’s brains work brilliant until they start thinking about a woman!!🤣
Via Steven R. 

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Pun ish ment 

Literary jokes for the learned 
1. The fattest knight at King Arthur’s round table was Sir Comference. He acquired his size from too much Pi.

2. Atheism is a non-prophet organisation.


3. A hole has been found in the nudist camp wall. The police are looking into it.


4. I thought I saw an eye doctor on an Alaskan island, but it turned out to be an optical Aleutian .


5. She was only a whiskey maker, but he loved her still.


6. A sign on the lawn at a drug rehab center said : ‘Keep off the Grass”.


7. No matter how much you push the envelope, it’ll still be stationery.


8. Two silk worms had a race. They ended up in a tie.


9. I wondered why the baseball kept getting bigger. Then it hit me.


10. The soldier who survived mustard gas and pepper spray is now a seasoned veteran.


11. In a democracy it’s your vote that counts. In feudalism it’s your count that votes.


12. If you jumped off the bridge in Paris, you’d be In Seine .


13. Two fish swim into a concrete wall. One turns to the other and says ‘Dam !’


14. Did you hear about the Buddhist who refused Novocain during a root canal ? His goal : transcend dental medication.


15. There was the person who sent ten puns to friends, with the hope that at least one of the puns would make them laugh. No pun in ten did
Via Priyadarshni F. 

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